Let’s cut the bullshit: I have become a fat sack of shit.

My sister would be the first person to say that talking to yourself like that is not conducive to a healthy physical or mental state of a person. But in this instance, it’s okay – I’m just giving myself some tough love (seriously, I do actually like myself).

I’ve been at home for hours now, and all I’ve done is prep some breakfast and a smoothie for tomorrow, eaten my bodyweight in cheese, crackers and semi-dried tomatoes (yarrrrmmm), boiled the kettle seven times (but only made tea once), listened to two podcasts whilst playing Candy Crush and every so often, have caught the reflection of my double chin in my phone, uttering “ugh” under my breath each and every time. Solid afternoon right there.

I came home with the intention of doing a workout, followed by working on my next travel blog (shameless promotion: you can read them here). I tried to finish up the post I’d been working on about the first couple of days in Cambodia, but I was not in the mood. You’ll find it’s hard to put your heart and soul into a piece of writing you’re proud of when you feel like you’re dead on the inside. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Somehow, after hating on my attitude and physical state for a ridiculously long time, I managed to sit up and stare at my screen. I realised the only thing I felt like writing about today, was this. How I feel right at this very moment. It might be repetitive, negative and pointless to many of you, but it got me off my ass (and I seriously needed a good ass-kicking today). It also follows my usual rules of a) me being unapologetically myself and b) me being as honest as possible.

I don’t have any clever message in this post, other than a note to myself to sort your fucking attitude out mate. I’m just word-vomiting. Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook show highlights and snippets of people’s lives, but the reality is sometimes we self-loathe, we put on a bit of extra weight (which is entirely our own fault), we feel off or unhappy, or our sense of humour goes to a much darker place than usual (and for me, that’s saying something).

I know that i have the power to turn all of this around. Believe me, I know that. I am legitimately complaining about things within my control. Sometimes, you just need to. But, tomorrow is a new day and as my dad would say to us religiously as kids: “have a good day, make it a good day!” 

I’ll see what I come up with tomorrow.

Han x

P.S. I may be a pity-party right now, but if you could subscribe to my newsletter, I promise I’ll create some more upbeat posts in the future. Maybe.