I had a big weekend.

I worked in the gym, ran around the Coast attending appointments, running errands and taking my World Champion brother out to lunch on his return from Japan (you know). I attended Josh’s Business Awards Gala on Saturday night along with 250 other people to indulge in a night of laughs, booze and food. Josh’s business won Showroom of the Year (another you know) so naturally the drink flowed on another level after that. So much so that I found myself standing in the Atrium bar at the casino at 1am surrounded by people with pupils the size of dinner plates and girls putting on their best sober faces when they’d clearly finished four bottles of wine before leaving the house.

The following day was filled with Father’s Day shenanigans, all of which were very enjoyable, but resulted in both Josh and I walking in the door at ten to six, exhausted AF.

Monday morning rolled around and I was still in bed at 8.04am.

Josh and I ended up giving each other a pep talk about how we had to keep it together and smash out another week. We both had equally intensive weeks ahead with Josh following up from his trade show and organising last minute things for his best friend’s wedding, whilst I was trying to make sure I ticked off every aspect of a launch I am helping coordinate at work and not get so tired that my eyes end up permanently shut. The pep talk worked for today at least, as I ended up teeing up a media interview for said launch by the skin of my teeth and didn’t really look away from my computer screen for the entirety of the day.

Except for when I heated up my leftover Indian food #cleaneating

The first thing that appeared on my screen was that Em Rusciano was leaving 2DayFM Breakfast radio this fucking Friday, and I did not cope. I’m still not coping.

If you don’t know who she is, I can’t help you. Just know that hearing that news in the middle of a frantic day actually gave me anxiety. Like I had this sudden rush of blood to the head and I got really hot. I was not emotionally equipped to deal with that bombshell in the middle of my Indian feast, at my chaotic work station after a big, sleep-deprived weekend.

It might seem dramatic, but listening to her podcast in the car is my time of sanity.

Her and Ed Kavalee’s banter over shit that’s completely unimportant keeps my brain happy. I don’t even mind Grant Denyer chiming in every now and then.

Em Rusciano is a huge inspiration of mine. While I may not agree with her on every aspect she blogs about or talks about, I love that she speaks her mind regardless of what other people might think. I think she’s fierce and bold and un-apologetically herself, something I would love to be, but let my anxiety get in the way of.

Once I gave myself a reality check and realised that she was moving on to work on things she’d been putting off, and to spend more time with her family, I calmed down. I realised that it wasn’t that big of a deal (it so is, but I have to act like it’s not so people don’t think I’m crazy) and that due to the intensity of life at the moment, the news hit me harder than it would a normal person.

I also felt a little bit jealous, if I’m being honest. Jealous that she was about to embark on all these exciting projects like writing her new stage tour, writing an female erotica novel (IKR) and doing her own podcast. Hearing all these creative things that she was doing made me realise how much I’d been neglecting my own creative projects – and I have no one to blame but myself.

Life has been getting on top of me lately, and it’s because I let it get that way.

Life goes in peaks and troughs for everyone. Anyone who knows me knows when I’m high, I’m really high, but when I hit a low, I plummet into the depths. And at the moment, I’m teetering on the edge of fiery pit, barely clinging onto my sanity (again, not even dramatic). I’ve let life commitments completely suffocate me the last few weeks and I should’ve known better. I know that when I let that happen, minor bad things (like my idol leaving a radio show) seem like catastrophic events.

The upside to all of this is that it’s given me time to reflect and thankfully, I’ve got an actual plan-free weekend in a couple of weeks and I am so excited for it.

Things I may do on said weekend:

• Sleep in past 6.30am by choice and and not have to race off somewhere.
• Choose to put on or not put on makeup, or clothes for that matter.
• Finish my blog that I promised I would publish last Wednesday (my friend had a baby, so I blame her).
• Clean out our spare room.
• Clear the fucking dining table of piles of clothes and book and clutter.
• I want to visit my best friend and her new baby and hang out with her all day because I can, and not cut it short because I have to be somewhere at a certain time.
• I sincerely hope I am not dreaming about work launches because I’m so stressed it won’t go well FFS.

Shoutout to anyone else who is having a stressful time, whether it be because of work, children or just a mixture of life commitments. I hope reading this post is what you need to take a moment for yourself, to re-prioritise some things and get back to working on the things that make you feel alive and happy.

I’m going to do the same thing whilst trying not to cry that Em Rusciano will no longer be in my ears every day.

Han x