I posted a beautiful shot onto my Instagram story this morning.

The sky looked particularly beautiful from my balcony and I thought nothing of it when I posted it. It wasn’t until my partner commented that a video he’d taken of the birds on our balcony (yes, another video) wouldn’t upload. A quick Google search confirmed that not only were Instagram stories down, but the entire app was for most people around the world.

My initial responses:

• Double check Twitter to see for any further updates and realise I don’t know how the fuck to use Twitter.
• Act like it doesn’t really bother me and that I’m not addicted to my phone/social media anyway.
• Admit defeat and realise that my day dedicated to working on my blog and other projects will now have to be adapted as my main source of communication/research is down again.
• WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS NOW?!

For my fellow Grammers, I know you’ll get where I’m coming from.

We are addicted to the social media environments that reside in our phones and whilst I have no shame in openly saying that I enjoy all the good that comes with Instagram, I feel a little bit of relief that no one can go on it right now.

I started to imagine what life would be like if they announced all accounts and data had been wiped and the app would be down indefinitely. Sure, another one would probably start up eventually, but for a time, we wouldn’t have the Gram. We wouldn’t be agonising over which photo and filter to use or thinking of clever or inspiring captions to go with said photos. We wouldn’t need to make sure we kept up with a ‘theme’ or need to worry about likes and reach and if what we’ve posted is meaningful/pretty/funny/clever enough. The thought of that alone feels weird and liberating.

Instagram is what has been contributing to my decision-paralysis lately.

I even wrote about it a couple of months ago to my mailing list, talking about how I was taking steps to successfully break the obsession I have of posting ‘perfect’ content. But I still haven’t really managed to break that habit. And I don’t know why. Because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I like to follow people who are authentic, real, don’t filter every fucking photo and who talk about real shit. And whilst I enjoy making my photos look nice sometimes, that was NOT the point of my @smithstandard account.

As a result, Instagram isn’t that fun for me anymore. It’ gets too hard to decide on what I am posting that I end up saying ‘fuck it!’ and letting beautiful, joyous and important photos, messages and memories – go to waste. Sounds SO STUPID, but holy hell, it’s so fucking true.

So I am going to try and reset and use this Instagram outage as a chance to start my Instagram journey again (should it come back online). Sure I am still going to edit and filter some of my photos, because I like how they look sometimes. But I am no longer going to not post something because it doesn’t ‘fit with the theme’. I am not an influencer and I can’t keep torturing myself over something so stupid. WHO’S WITH ME?!

I envisage I will get a lot more work done without the constant need to aimlessly scroll through Instagram today (although truth be told, I will probably check at regular intervals to see if it’s back online). ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Han x